The Sweetness of Suffering Long

What an odd time to be pouring out my thoughts, or maybe not.  Seems like it’s in the worst of times that the Lord allows my fingers to work through these tormenting, emotional knots.

1:30 am on Wednesday morning and Luke has had another awful start to the night. He’s just miserable with pain and nausea, I guess with his bowels trying to sort out their purpose. Even after IV medication he’s restless, moaning, begging to go home and be done with this nightmare. I’ve lost count of the number of times he’s dragged his rapidly thinning frame out of the bed and hobbled to the bathroom with “George,” his unwanted IV pole companion. 

 

I’ve felt myself nearly checking out at times, and have blamed it on being short of sleep. But the last 24 hours I’ve had a word forcing itself to the forefront of my mind.  Amidst the pain, sleeplessness, and agony of seeing my child miserable, I hear the word “long suffering.”  Over and over this word keeps repeating itself in my brain. It’s not a word I know really, or use. In fact I wouldn’t have been able to tell you much about it except that at the height of Luke’s misery tonight I looked it up.  Long-suffering is a fruit of the Spirit.

 

My take on it is this:  God wants me to look past the present heartache somehow to understand the concept of abiding with Him, in His timing, and for His purposes, not mine. Long-suffering is allowing Him to carry me and others through the most tedious of suffering. It’s allowing the Holy Spirit to abide and work when all other attempts to control and manipulate are failing. It’s what allows the church to walk with someone through the pain no matter how impossible things seem. Long suffering through the Holy Spirit breaths out from the care givers of the dying, and exudes peace and hope to the disabled. It accepts that we aren’t on an instant fix schedule, but rather submitting to the Lord’s will with a peace that can only come from my Father. A Father who I know loves me so very much tonight. 

 

In our instant society we have tight control of many things to avoid delays, inconveniences, and ultimately pain that makes us unhappy. As I’ve walked these hospital halls there are times I think we will never leave. By my calculations, we should have been home days ago.  I fret because things aren’t working out like I think they should. And I can’t even imagine the pain Luke has right now or the hopelessness he is dealing with. He is missing Band UIL and musical theater rehearsals for “Oklahoma.” The homework is piling up, his weight is dropping, and he is feeling so trapped.

I believe, though, that tonight the Lord has persistently been whispering to me “Long-suffering, Kerrie. You aren’t going to fix this according to yours or anyone else’s plans or needs. Let go and just walk with me as I grow and share this bitter sweet fruit, through you."