Battle Scarred Faith

This last week, Tommy and I’ve watch Luke struggle through horrible abdominal pain, nausea, and a 3 hour ER wait while vomiting in a trash can as strangers looked on. He chugged down contrast dye, vomiting multiple times before being wheeled off without us to get a CT scan. He was then whisked off to surgery with a hope of being pain free and leaving in the morning. Instead, he  woke  up to find himself chained to IV poles, a mass of bandages across his lower abdomen, and plastic bottles and tubes coming out of holes not previously there. His simple appendectomy turned into major abdominal surgery including removal of parts of the small and large intestine that were so infected they had to be discarded along with an  appendix reported to be 10-15 times normal size. 

I found myself in shock, feeling like I’d entered the Twilight Zone.  Lord I thought, are you for real here?  What's up? I’ve done my duty many times over, and we deserve some kind of break don’t we? Why are you allowing us to go through more crap with our other son? But I’m reminded that my heart has told the Lord that I just want to bring him honor. I just want to be a light in darkness. It’s so easy to proclaim that in the middle of easy times, but when you find yourself in another ER, watching son number 2 begging for relief it’s easy to say to hell with wanting to be warrior princess for God, just give my son some relief.

But today I heard a code called upstairs on someone who quit breathing and found myself whispering prayers for healing. A man in the cafeteria getting coffee with me needed to talk about his wife’s surgery. Walking the halls with Luke I pass a down cast Spanish woman who looks hopeless... "Lord bring her relief and peace”.  Another gentleman hobbling down the hall with an IV pole for a cane, “Keep up the good work sir!” the thoughts, words, prayers just flowed.  The Lord is present, abiding, living, breathing through me in the middle of Luke’s nightmare.

I’ve said many times, if we want to be a light in a dark world we gotta walk through the darkness in order to shine.  This life ain't about careers and vacations, and retirements or bank account worries. Its not about making our place in this world and having people admire us. It’s about Jesus.  It’s about thanking him for the opportunities to be faithful and recognizing that faithfulness impacts the world most when things are at their worst. It’s about realizing God has kingdom sized plans that don’t revolve around our family's comfort… and I can choose to be a part of His army with joy. 

 So tonight I ask myself what right do I have to complain? I can come up with a hundred things to complain about, or I can begin thanking God for another opportunity to proclaim His glory.  Andrew didn’t learn to love and trust his Father through a normal pain free life.  And my wise mother reminded me this weekend that Luke was also being molded. Who am I to complain and stand in the way of experiences that will allow Luke to develop faith and perseverance?  

We’ve been blessed with amazing doctors, nurses, techs, ladies that bring clean linens, and cafeteria workers that make sure we have food and coffee. We've been shown love and support that has come in like a tidal wave of blessings. And Tommy, my steady rock that just keeps on giving, loving, providing and telling me not to worry. His worth can in no way be measured through promotions or pocketbooks. He is priceless. My cup runneth over this week. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.