The Forgiving "Vine"

He will turn my mourning into dancing.

During my fast this week, I did some writing about forgiving. I was too insecure to get up in front of the church last night to speak, imagine that! But I can write today from my safe place, and say quite openly that giving the Lord my full attention during those three days was life changing. I wouldn't trade the intimacy I had with Him for all the gourmet food in the world. The specifics of who I needed to forgive, I’ll keep private.  But the wisdom God gave me is what I’d like to share.

As much therapy as I’ve been through, I can say that God has helped me do some major forgiving to those that hurt me.  But just as God forgives me every day, I’m realizing that for my own sanity, I’ve got to do that for others. What I’ve realized is that the same people that hurt me in the past, have continued to wound, scar and reshape my future.Over and over again, its like a repeating "vine" segment one of my kids might post on the internet. Really, none of us are different in  our own screw ups, though. In fact God has to watch all of us daily repeating "vine" like behaviors that He'd love to interrupt the cycle of.

Anyway, God reminded me that this cycle of sinning and forgiving was the consequence of living with imperfect families, friends, and even the Church. Just as I don't want a credit limit on His grace to me, I better be willing to up the grace I extend to my own. I wish that were as easy as posting a "vine" on forgiveness... 

God began preparing my heart for the fast a week ago when he showed me Psalms 50 

⁷ “O my people, listen as I speak.

    Here are my charges against you, O Israel:
    I am God, your God!
⁸ I have no complaint about your sacrifices
    or the burnt offerings you constantly offer.
⁹ But I do not need the bulls from your barns
    or the goats from your pens.
¹⁰ For all the animals of the forest are mine,
    and I own the cattle on a thousand hills.
¹¹ I know every bird on the mountains,
    and all the animals of the field are mine.
¹² If I were hungry, I would not tell you,
    for all the world is mine and everything in it.
¹³ Do I eat the meat of bulls?
    Do I drink the blood of goats?
¹⁴ Make thankfulness your sacrifice to God,
    and keep the vows you made to the Most High.
¹⁵ Then call on me when you are in trouble,
    and I will rescue you,
    and you will give me glory.”

The greatest sacrifice I can give my Father is praise…just pure thankfulness regardless of what I'm juggling.  And in the passage, He even told me why.  So He could rescue me and I could turn around and bring the honor right back to him for what he’s done.

I get pretty riled up and even erect "I don't hear you" walls, when well-meaning people throw out simplistic answers to complex situations. But for the Spirit to show me in scripture that what He really wants above all is my thankful heart…that got my attention.

Father God, I know you’ve shown me this week that the most desirable sacrifice I can give is to praise you…always and forever. But I’ve been asking myself how I can praise you when I’m angry...depression, disappointment in people, bitterness for things not being different, self blame, and shame...perhaps those are the consequences of holding on to grudges?   

Maybe with forgiveness will come a fresh anointing of a thankful heart. Surely then, my spirit will lighten and praise will come easier, my sweet sacrifice of praise…to you. Yes, that is what you truly want from me! 

Help me to see myself and others through your eyes and then forgive, Lord. And may you turn my mourning into a life-long dance that honors you!